The Woman Who Forgot: What 17 Years as a Florist Taught Me About Funeral Photos

I remember standing behind the counter of our little shop on Marine Parade in Kingscliff, it would have been maybe it early 2008, post the Christmas rush when small regional towns in Australia experience the mass exodus, dead quiet outside, when a woman came in looking absolutely shattered. She had just come from her father's funeral and she was upset, really upset, but not for the reason you might think. She had forgotten, in all the fog of grief and logistics and relatives and catering and everything else that comes with burying a parent, to take a single photo of the flowers. Not the casket, not the mourners, just the flowers. "I don't even know who sent what," she said, her voice cracking a little. "And now they're all gone."

That conversation stuck with me. It still does, almost 17 years later.

* This was our Kingscliff Flower Shop back in 2006.

The Question Nobody Wants to Ask

Here's the thing about funerals, they're overwhelming. You're grieving, holding it together for everyone else, forgetting to eat, thanking people you barely recognise, and somewhere in all of that you're also supposed to keep track of which flowers came from Aunty Margaret and which ones came from your Dad's old work colleagues. It's a lot. And pulling out your phone to take a photo can feel, well, wrong somehow. Disrespectful even. Like you're treating a sacred moment like a photo opportunity.

But is it actually wrong? Can you take photos of flowers at a funeral?

Look, yes, you can. Most of the time anyway. But like so many things involving grief and etiquette and other people's raw emotions, it's less about whether you're technically allowed and more about reading the room. And reading a room at a funeral, when you're also trying to process your own feelings, is harder than it sounds.

Why You Might Want Those Photos

Back in the shop days, we would sometimes get calls a week or two after a funeral from people asking if we could tell them what was in the arrangement they sent. They wanted to describe it to the family in their thank you card but couldn't remember. The thing is, we often couldn't remember either, not specifically, because flowers are made fresh each time and substitutions happen based on what's available. So the only real record of what those funeral flowers looked like is a photo.

You might want to remember who sent what. This is practical and genuinely helpful when you're writing thank you cards in the weeks that follow. Trying to remember, two weeks later, which arrangement came from the Hendersons versus the Patels versus your cousin's family in Perth, good luck with that without photos.

You might want to preserve something beautiful before it disappears. Flowers fade. That's part of their meaning at a funeral actually, the whole cycle of life thing, but it doesn't mean you can't capture them at their peak. I remember Andrew and I once had a long conversation with a customer who had ordered a really elaborate casket spray for her mother, white roses and baby's breath and these gorgeous trailing greenery, and she said something that has stayed with me. She said, "Mum loved gardens but couldn't keep one alive, and now she finally has the most beautiful flowers she's ever had, and they'll be gone in days." She wanted a photo. Of course she did.

You might need to share the images with family who couldn't be there. Not everyone can make it to a funeral. Distance, health, cost, visa issues, work, all sorts of reasons. Photos let people who loved the person but couldn't attend feel connected to what happened.

And sometimes, honestly, you just want something tangible from a day that feels like a blur. Grief does funny things to memory. Having photos can help you process later, when the shock has worn off.

When It's Okay (And Why)

Photographing funeral flowers is generally fine in these situations.

Before or After the Service

This is your safest bet. The flowers are set up, the room is empty or nearly empty, nobody is actively grieving in that moment. You can take your time, get a good shot, and there's no risk of disrupting anything. We used to tell customers at the shop, if you can get there 20 minutes early or stay 10 minutes after, that's your window.

At the Graveside After Most Mourners Have Left

Sometimes people linger, and that's okay. If you're one of the last ones there, taking a quiet photo of the flowers laid on or around the grave is completely appropriate. You're not interrupting anyone's moment.

At the Wake or Reception

If flowers have been brought there, this is an easier environment altogether. People are talking, eating, sharing memories. The formality has softened. Taking a photo here is about as noticeable as taking a photo at a family gathering, which is to say, not very.

With Permission From the Immediate Family

If you're unsure, ask. A simple "Would you mind if I took a photo of the flowers to remember them?" will almost always be met with "Of course, go ahead." And if they say no, you have your answer without any awkwardness.

The why behind all of this is respect for the space and the people in it. When mourners are actively grieving, their emotional experience comes first. When the room is quiet, or the formal part is done, the dynamic shifts.

When to Hold Back

* We’ve learned that while flowers are a beautiful tribute, the emotional experience of the family always comes first. This guide highlights the moments where it’s best to keep the phone in your pocket and simply be present in the space.

There are moments when photographing flowers, even discreetly, crosses a line.

During the Service Itself

This is a hard no. The eulogy is being read, people are crying, the family is in the front row trying to get through the worst hour of their lives. This is not the time to be fiddling with your phone. Even if your phone is silent, even if you're in the back row, even if you think nobody will notice. People notice. It pulls focus, and that focus should be on the person being honoured and the people who loved them most.

When It Might Distract the Grieving Family

You might think you're being subtle but grief makes people hyperaware of their surroundings in strange ways. A family member glancing back and seeing someone pointing a phone at flowers can feel jarring, even if your intentions are pure.

If the Family Has Requested No Phones

Some families ask for this explicitly, and you might see a note in the funeral program or a sign at the entrance. Respect it. There's usually a reason, whether it's cultural, religious, or simply personal preference.

Religious and Cultural Considerations

Some traditions have specific views on photography at funerals or in places of worship. If you're attending a funeral in a tradition you're not familiar with, it's worth doing a quick bit of research beforehand or simply asking someone who knows. When in doubt, don't.

The why here is straightforward. A funeral exists to honour someone who has died and to support the people who are grieving. Anything that detracts from that purpose, even unintentionally, misses the point of being there.

How to Do It Respectfully

If you've decided that the moment is right and you want to photograph the funeral flowers, there are a few things that will help you do it in a way that feels appropriate.

Silent Your Phone Completely

Not vibrate, silent. That little buzz in a quiet chapel carries further than you think. I remember once, back in the shop, a customer telling me about a funeral where someone's phone went off during the committal, and it was playing some pop song, and the look on the widow's face. You don't want to be that person.

No Flash, Ever

Flash is jarring in any quiet, reflective space. It draws every eye in the room. Modern phones take perfectly good photos in low light without flash, so there's no excuse.

Be Discreet and Quick

This isn't a photoshoot. You're not trying to get the perfect angle for Instagram. Get in, take one or two photos, put the phone away. The goal is documentation, not art direction.

Focus on the Flowers, Not the Mourners

This should go without saying but I'll say it anyway. If there are people in your frame, wait until they've moved or adjust your position. Nobody wants to show up in a stranger's photo at their lowest moment.

Wait for the Right Moment

If someone is standing near the flowers having a quiet cry, that's not your moment. If the funeral director is adjusting arrangements, that's not your moment either. Patience matters.

What to Do With the Photos Afterward

Taking the photos is one thing. What you do with them afterward is another thing entirely.

Share Privately With Family First

If you've captured some beautiful images of the arrangements, the family might really appreciate having them. A simple message like "I took a few photos of the flowers at the service, would you like me to send them through?" is thoughtful and gives them the choice.

Ask Before Posting Anything Publicly

This is a big one. Social media has changed how we process grief, but not everyone processes the same way. What feels like a lovely tribute to you might feel like an invasion to the deceased's family. Always, always ask before putting funeral photos on Facebook or Instagram or anywhere else. And honestly, even if they say yes, consider whether it's necessary. Some moments are better kept private.

Consider Making a Small Album for the Bereaved

One of our customers, years ago now, did something that I thought was just beautiful. She attended her best friend's mother's funeral and quietly took photos of all the flower arrangements. A few weeks later, she printed them out, wrote little notes on the back identifying who had sent each one where she could, and gave the collection to her friend in a simple album. Her friend told her later it was one of the most meaningful things anyone did for her during that time. It helped her write thank you cards, yes, but more than that, it gave her something to look at when she wanted to remember how loved her mother was.

> Read more from our funeral guide blog articles

A Final Thought

Flowers at funerals do more than just decorate a room. They're messages from people who often don't know what else to say. They're colour in a moment that can feel very grey. They're proof, in a tangible and temporary way, that the person who died mattered to others.

Wanting to photograph them makes complete sense. You're not being morbid or inappropriate or disrespectful. You're trying to hold onto something before it slips away, and that's a very human impulse.

Standing in that shop in Kingscliff, with no concept of what Lily's Florist would eventually become, I learned that flowers carry weight. Emotional weight. Though if you've ever lifted a casket spray, physical weight too. The photos you take of funeral flowers carry some of that weight too. They become part of how a family remembers a day they'd probably rather forget but never will.

So yes, you can take photos of flowers at a funeral. Just do it thoughtfully, do it quietly, and do it with the understanding that you're capturing something that matters to people who are hurting.

Seventeen years later, I'd give anything to go back and tell that woman in our shop to just take the photo. Nobody would have minded. And she'd still have something to look at today.

Funeral Photography FAQ

Is it disrespectful to take photos of flowers at a funeral?

Generally, no. Most families appreciate having a record of who sent what, especially for writing thank-you cards later. The key is "reading the room"—if people are actively grieving, wait for a quieter moment like before or after the service.

When is the best time to take these photos?

The safest bet is 20 minutes before or 10 minutes after the service. The room is usually quiet, the arrangements are fresh, and you aren't interrupting anyone's personal moment.

Can I share funeral flower photos on social media?

Always ask the immediate family first. While you might see it as a tribute, they might see it as an invasion of a private moment. If you do post, focus on the flowers and the beauty of the tribute rather than the mourners.

What if the family says "No Phones"?

Respect it completely. There are often cultural or religious reasons for this, and your primary role is to support the family, not document the décor.